I’ve been hurt. I’ve been down. I’ve felt what it feels to fall from so high up, you feel like the fall is never ending.
I’ve been there, I’ve been here, and I’ve been to these places before. I’ve seen, and loved, and hurt, and craved, and yet I haven’t at all. I’ve travelled and I’ve dreamed, and I’ve walked and climbed, and learnt to swim, and yet, I feel like I’ve never even begun.
I’ve been in a million places at once, and it’s been hard to let go of some. I’ve kept in my mind beautiful memories and in my pocket Poloroid photos from Vietnam.
I’ve escaped, and I’ve ran away, I’ve cried, I’ve been the most annoying person on the planet, I’ve fallen in love with probably some of the most stubborn person on Earth, and I’ve been for this scarred. And yet, it feels like I can love again.
What I’m trying to say is that a lot of things that are old, or known to us, can feel so fucking new. So goddamn good. And a lot of the things you didn’t, can be so good for us to cling on till we make them happen.
And I honestly feel like going away, running away again. But this time I am not. I am standing still, healing myself and putting my entire energy into myself. For the first time. No more wasting energy on someone else, or something else. No more scrolling for likes, and waiting for comments…on an app. Living for me, learning for me. Discovering myself and what my deep desires are, how I am as a human and how I can improve, to help others. To inspire others.
I don’t want a plane ticket to be an escape. I want it to be a discovery, a joy in itself. I want each journey that I take to be challening, to overcome a fear. I want to push myself. See what I can do. More.
So I’ve taken the time, and I will keep doing so. Because it just feels amazing to stand still for a bit and to feel your world, slowly growing.