I still cannot. My head, my memories, my feelings, my gut, my everything. The man I knew, the man that was there from the beginning, in absolutely everything, that trusted me with everything, that always told me that we are in this together. ALWAYS.
I had one of the best days ever and I am extremely blessed to have the most amazing people around me. The kind of people that will never lie, cheat, break, or hurt me or anyone else around them. The kind of people that will be there in every moment, unconditionally. It’s hard to find them, and once you do, they’ll remain in your life forever.
But this day is shadowed. By the feeling of something missing. Of a missing puzzle piece, of a missing something, someone.
I read yesterday someone’s love caption about their other half. It sounded exactly like you and me, like our story. Blinded trust, bonding, working and living together 24/7, meeting randomly and then meeting halfway around the world, living each day together in good and bad and ending it each day with strong embraces that speak for themselves.
You know, it’s as if someone snaps their fingers and your whole world collapses. I feel really it only collapsed for me, but still. In ONE second, everything is gone. In one second, you realise the person who’s spend every minute with you has never cared about your relationship that much. It’s like when you say “Ohh I loove this cake! It’s the best ever and I’ll always have it!” And then some time later you say “what? That cake? No, I actually never really liked it”. It is so horrible I don’t have words for it, that they never cared and that everything was like a summer crazy fling, where you say I love you, and you do this and that, but at the end of the day, it was just a … fun way to spend your days.
People say don’t hate me. I don’t hate anyone in this life, and I am glad I don’t. I could never, not even for my worst ennemy. People say broken heals hard. That it leave marks so deep you will always remember they were there.
Once you were cut so deep, it can never heal. Maybe it will be better. But that missing piece, that immense hurt from someone you thought could never hurt you, will be there forever. In your life, not theirs. And it is the saddest thing in the world to know that someone who declared their love,trust, made you listen to them that you are good, that you are the best thing that happened to them, that you are the half they’ve been waiting for and have kids with, that you are you even at your worst and they will love you unconditionally, never actually cared that much… I hope no one ever feels this.