I don’t know how. To live, now. I knew our little sweet routine, our morning schedule, so to say. Where you would put your hand, the morning kiss, the inbetweens. I knew how you held me. I knew every inch of your arms and hands yes and everything. I thought you knew mine. You did?

I am now at this concert. With all my friends around me, good vibes. The music in the speakers makes my chest throb. It makes me almost go out of breath, choke. Because my heart kind of stopped beating and it’s now stuck in a void. A void.

I look at the lights, I hear the beats, the music. And it all leads back to you. Standing here on this dancing floor but not moving. I don’t know anymore. I know what you would do if I’d be here and I know how you would move, when you would go to the bar, how you would wrap your arms around me and we would sway really lightly to the music, smiling. That’s what I know.

The light coming through the curtains in the morning, the broken smile, the lips touching as if telling stories. Or just one story, the one of “always”.

I don’t know. It’s just dark in here, I’m standing in the middle of all these people and it’s loud. But I can’t even hear or see. Or feel. It’s just dark.

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